#WhyNot - Alternatives to... The Hitman's Bodyguard

August 23, 2017


Our new series, #WhyNot, provides a condensed review of the latest cinema offerings, while contributing alternative films that you should watch as well/instead.

The Hitman's Bodyguard, starring Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool) and Samuel L. Jackson (The Avengers), is a serviceable throwback to the buddy action comedies made famous in the 80's and 90's. Sure, its two leads deserve much credit for delivering a solidly hilarious performance, while their chemistry over its two-hour(!?) runtime is inherently off the charts, but charismatic characters can only go so far if the movie they are set in a movie as generic as The Hitman's Bodyguard. It was perhaps envisioned as a Deadpool and Jules Winnfield (Pulp Fiction) crossover that no one was asking for, and it is not hard to think that those were the direction Reynolds and Jackson were told to go for, with its barrage of motherf*ckers, crude humour and musical numbers.

The film also follows the trend of unimaginative Eurotrip action archetypes seen recently by the likes of A Good Day to Die Hard, Red 2 as well as director Patrick Hughes' own The Expendables 3. Eastern European dictators? CHECK. Mercenary killcount going by the hundreds? CHECK. Black SUVs? CHECK. Plainly obvious double crosser? CHECK. Sure, one chase scene through the canals of Amsterdam is one commendable action highlight, but it is severely bogged down by everything that came before and after. It does attempt to question one's morality, asking if killing bad guys was as bad as protecting them, but only so via a throwaway line uttered by Jackson that was not revisited later. Gary Oldman (The Dark Knight), who plays the aforementioned dictator from Belarus, must have been paid lots for a nearly non-existent role. No one wastes Gary Oldman like that.

Without the charm of Reynolds and Jackson, The Hitman's Bodyguard would have been fairly bog standard B movie, belonging on the direct-to-DVD shelf. It also failed to live up to The Bodyguard parody that the first trailer implied, with the Whitney Houston-starring film being lampooned via its music and initial posters. As said before, it's definitely serviceable, especially if watching with a laughing crowd, but there's so many better options out there that you'll wished you spent those two hours watching something else, which conveniently segue ways into our next feature: 5 vastly superior buddy action comedies you should catch instead. 

We'll be going for the unconventional's here, so don't expect to see your usual Lethal Weapons, Bad Boys or Blues Brothers propping up this list. Honourable mentions include The Heat (2013), Men in Black (1997) and *probably, but yet to watch* The Nice Guys (2016).


Die Hard with a Vengeance


If you want to watch a movie starring Samuel L. Jackson and a Caucasian man take down a European terrorist, watch The Hitman's Bodyguard the third Die Hard movie from 22 years ago. Die Hard with a Vengeance is arguably one of the best in the Bruce Willis-starring franchise (perhaps as good as the first one?), which has John McClane unwillingly partnered up with Jackson's Harlem shop owner to a game of cat-and-mouse around New York City by a mysterious figure through a phone.

Willis' grizzled, down-on-his-luck portrayal of McClane spars well with Jackson's foul-mouthed citizen, which often leads to many hilarious lines and moments, with their very first interaction involving a sandwich board serving up as the first of many heart-pounding scenes in this two-hour long thriller. Can't get enough of the Willis-Jackson combo? They reunited for M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable and soon its sequel Glass in 2019.


Hot Fuzz





Fans of Baby Driver may want to look at director Edgar Wright's previous joint from 10 years ago starring frequent collaborator Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Pegg, playing a hard boiled Metropolitan police, is sent to the quiet village of Sandford after his superiors felt he was outperforming everyone else. There, he discovers that all is not as it seems as he uncovers a secret behind a string of murders in the town. The action sequences are a big riff off John Woo or Michael Bay's repertoire, but combined with Wright's signature cutaways and witty humour from his previous work Spaced or Shaun of the Dead, scenes become more of a tribute than a parody. Besides, how often do you get to see James Bond (Timothy Dalton) play an evil supermarket owner? One of this writer's all-time fave.


In Bruges



Most of the films in this list involve a member of law enforcement one way or another, but what happens when our duo are two contract killers? Directed by Martin McDonagh, this dark comedy stars Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson as two hitmen who are sent to a medieval town in Belgium after a job gone awry. It's a film of two parts, with the first half exploring the relationship between the two central characters as they explore the weird going-ons within the small European town, with the second half transforming the film into a thriller as their boss descends into the town. It's one of Farrell's better performances in recent times, while Ralph Fiennes, who plays his bad-tempered boss, is an equally comical yet frightening antagonist opposite Farrell and Gleeson.


21 Jump Street / 22 Jump Street







Adapting TV shows into movies is never a small feat, but throwing everything that made the original show stood out, while only retaining the name and concept, was definitely a bold, ballsy move. In the hands of Phil Lord and Chris Miller though, the new rebooted 21 Jump Street represents a satire of the original Johnny Depp-starring show, 80's action flicks and teen movies in general, while offering up a coherent story and a barrel of laughs.

Starring Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum in reverse archetypes as the two infiltrate a local high school to investigate a drugs ring, plot circumstances meant that both actors played opposite undercover roles for much of the movie, to comedic effect. It was a great change of scenery from our usual undercover films, definitely helped by the good chemistry between the leads, and was a platform for Channing Tatum to really tickle your funny bone. Also, rapper Ice Cube is an absolute scene-stealer.

Its 2014 sequel, aptly named 22 Jump Street, offered the same comedy we loved from the original, and at times the jokes were more outrageous than its predecessor. This is especially evident in its entire end credits sequence, which became a lampooning of the current saturated sequel market in general, will have you laughing all the way back home.


The Other Guys

A gentle forensic accountant. A remanded cop who shot Derek Jeter. It's definitely an odd pairing, even by odd buddy pairing standards, but if anyone can turn odd concepts into classic comedies, it's director Adam McKay (Step Brothers, The Big Short). After two hot-shot detectives (played by The Rock and Jackson, again) at the precinct met their hilariously fatal ends, Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg will attempt to move away from their mundane desk jobs after uncovering a major conspiracy behind a minor scaffolding violation. 

The Other Guys serves the same type of smart laugh-a-minute humour seen in previous McKay-Farrell collaborations, in contrast to The Hitman's Bodyguard, where most jokes felt bland without the charisma of its leads. And opposite Farrell, Wahlberg got to exhibit his wide range of comedic chops like you've never seen pre-2010. You can't go wrong with Michael Keaton unknowingly quoting TLC songs either!

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